Fluffy Bunny
by Ophelia1
Summary: PG-13 for killing 2 peeps, saying the 'f' word a couple times, and some general swearing. Involves Marshmallows, Mary Sue, and the Hufflepuff House Table. Very whacked up.


Fluffy Bunny

~~~

A/N: Before you read this, please never, never, never, never, **_NEVER_** play Fluffy Bunny in real life, at school, home, or wherever because in reality it is a very dangerous game, and people have _died_ from playing it. Just because it involves marshmallows doesn't make it safe. Do NOT play it with marshmallows, M&Ms, cookie, pop, WHATEVER! I don't want people going out and dying because they thought it would be cool to play Fluffy Bunny. Just because my friends and I have played it doesn't make it safe (And we don't anymore, thank you very much.) and we do all sorts of things normal people shouldn't do. Now that I have given my wonderful warning, let's get on with the show. 

~~~

Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was walking down the corridor stuffing marshmallows into his mouth. He had discovered the wonderful joy of the dried sugar water treats at the Muggle store where he normally bought lemon drops. The were heaven on earth to him, and also thanks to them, Dumbledore had gained twelve pounds. 

"Stopf ruffing!" Dumbledore cried at the fifth year Hufflepuff running down the hall to his next class. His mouth was full of marshmallows, so his speech was slurred. But than again, in his old age, his speech was slurred, too. 

Professor Dumbledore made his way to his office and finished off his mouthful of marshmallows so he could make an announcement. He pressed the button on the PA system. "All teachers are to let their classes out now and go to Professor Dumbledore's office right away because of an emergency that needs to be taken care of. That is all." 

Dumbledore chuckled to himself and opened the door to the back room where card tables were piled up, along with chairs from the poker tournament he had not to long ago. But what Dumbledore was going to do required something different. He decided to get that giant slave, Hagrid, to come up and carry up a house table. "Hell, what am I thinking? I'm a goddamn wizard! Accio Hufflepuff House Table!" 

A few Hufflepuff students who were planning on eating lunch early slid backwards off the table and hit their heads on the marble floor. Some nearby Slytherins laughed mercilessly and went back to their lunch. The Gryffindors, of course, lead by Mary Sue, went right towards the Hufflepuffs and helped them up, while leading them over to the Gryffindor table and checking them over for concussions and such.

Dumbledore's door burst open, and Minerva McGonagall ran in, but the Hufflepuff table was flying fast behind her. McGonagall stopped at the door way while the table didn't, and plowed the old woman over and slid into the small back room. Dumbledore begin putting bags of marshmallows on the table, along with sliding dry erase markers and erasers onto the dry erase board holder, ignoring Minerva's cries of help to be helped up. 

"Help! Help me, please! I've fallen and can't get up!" Minerva cried.

"That joke, is like, _so_ old, dawg!" Dumbledore said to McGonagall.

"I'm not joking!" Minerva shrilled.

Dumbeldore looked over his shoulder at the fallen McGonagall and laughed. "Hahahahahahahahahaha!!! The old woman as fallen and can't get up!" Dumbeldore laughed some more.

"What have you called us in here for?" Madam Pomfrey asked as she walked in, Minerva holding on to her around the neck so she wouldn't fall again.

"I'm bored," Dumbeldore lazily replied, "and I wanted some entertainment so we're going to play a game."

"It was so important that you pulled as from teaching?" Snape inquired, "And what in the name of God is all this about?" He held up a bag of marshmallows. 

"We're going to play Fluffy Bunny!" Dumbledore cried, putting a smiley face on the dry erase board after his name.

"What's Fluffy Bunny?" The newly returned memory Gildeory Lockhart asked, popping a marshmallow in his mouth.

"Don't eat those!" Dumbledore cried, hitting Gilderoy's hand. "They're not yours." He looked around the room. "Now that you all are here, we can begin. Everyone take a seat." Everyone sat down in the folding chairs. "The object of the game is to stuff as many marshmallows in your mouth as possible and say 'Fluffy bunny.'. That's it. Now, we'll partner up and you will count how many marshmallows your partner stuffed in his or her mouth. No chewing or swallowing marshmallows. "

The faculty sat in silence, looking at each other and shrugging. Gilderoy tore open a bag and took a big handful of marshmallows and stuffed them into his mouth. "'Uffy Fuffy!" he choked out. 

Gilderoy had apparently pissed off Dumbledore and he came over and hit Gilderoy on the back. "You incompetent moron! I should have never let you in the damned building! Look at all the fucking marshmallows you wasted, dumb ass!" Gilderoy coughed up half-melted marshmallows all over the place. 

"Ew!" Madam Pince shrieked.

"Since you damned fools have no fucking clue whatsoever how to play the game, I'll show you." He took out five marshmallows, then five more, and five more. Dumbledore shoved them all into his mouth, and he practiced saying 'fluffy bunny'. He took out five more marshmallows and stuffed them into his mouth. "Fluffy bunny!" He said successfully, and took out five more marshmallows. "Fluffy buffy!" Dumbledore said. Ten more marshmallows came out of the bag and into Dumbledore's mouth. 

At that point, Harry Potter burst in, because of course, he must make an appearance. It just wouldn't be right without Harry. And plus without this part, just like the scene in _Ersatz Elevator_ with the Café Salmonella, the story wouldn't be so goddamn funny. Anyway… Jet! Oops… sorry… not that. *giggles* I'm waaaaaaay too bubbly and giggly today, probably because I'm high on caffine, but oh well… back to the story.   


"Dumbledore-"

"Prfeffor Fufblefore!"

"Uh… _Professor _Dumbledore, Voldemort is after me!" Harry yelled.

"Oh well. You failed my test today. Nobody cares about you. Especially not your parents. They didn't love you so now they're off making por-" Snape was interrupted. 

"You're not supposed to tell the boy that!" Flitwick cried. "No one was supposed to know, you-"

"_DAMNIT, VOLDEMORT IS AFTER ME FOR GOD'S SAKE!" _Harry screamed. "Help me, Professor Dumbeldore! Go out and kill him!"

"Imf fufy fright nof," Dumbledore replied, counting marshmallows on his fingers.

"What?" Harry asked dumbly.

"I faid Imf fufy fright nof."

"_What?_"

"I faid Imf fufy fright nof."

"Write it down!" Harry cried, throwing a quill and a scrap of parchment at him. Dumbledore magiked some ink onto it, wrote something down, and handed it back to Harry.

Harry read it over quickly, then turned it over. He saw nothing on the back, and turned it over again. "What the Hell? You're busy? You're busy and I'm going to get killed?"

Dumbledore nodded, a goofy grin on his face.

At that moment, Voldemort burst in with his daughter, Mary Sue of Gryffindor, who was also a descendent of Godric Gryffindor.

"I smell marshmallows and nobody offered my dearest Mary Sue any!" Voldemort roared, and saw Gilderoy with a marshmallow in his hand. "Adava Kadavra!" Gilderoy fell over, dead, and Voldemort walked over, took the marshmallow from his hand, and handed it to his daughter. 

"Thank you Daddy. You're the best Daddy in the world! I love you, Daddy!" Mary Sue gave her father a hug.

Voldemort blushed and shoved his daughter away. "Not in public. You'll ruin my rep," He hissed under his breath. Mary Sue let go and blushed also.

"Anyway… Albus, you had marshmallows and didn't offer my daughter one? She is so perfect, how can you miss her? There is a special golden glow that comes from her so everyone knows she is perfect-"

Harry was very pissed that no one really cared that Voldemort was planning on killing him. He decided for once that someone needed to teach someone a lesson. He wouldn't kill Voldemort, for if he did, three more books couldn't be written about him, because they would all be called something along the lines of 'Harry Potter and the First Kiss' or 'Harry Potter and the Mean Potions Master'. Of course, people would buy it because of the name Harry Potter, but then they realized it would suck, and not buy anymore. Plus while they were fighting over not getting damned marshmallows, it would be too easy to kill Voldemort and his life's goal would be over so then he would be a pimp all his life, and he didn't think he was big enough to be a pimp, so scratch that thought. He must kill someone so they would pay attention to his demands. Harry was in the mood for killing someone blonde. Gilderoy was already dead, but no one would care if he killed Lockhart anyway. But every person in the world loved Mary Sue, so maybe they would pay attention then…

"Adava Kadavra!" Harry roared. Mary Sue dropped head, her beautiful blonde hair spreading everywhere. 

"MARY!" Everyone cried and ran to her dead body.

"She is dead, and I have killed her," Harry said with pride and gave everyone his award winning smile. 

Everyone starting sobbing and Harry went over and helped himself to a marshmallow. 

~~~

A/N II: Please don't ask me how this came about. I am on about my twelfth can of Coke, hoping they still put cocaine in it, and enough will be in to get high enough I won't care about stupider people than me getting Student Ambassador forms. But, it isn't really working. Ah, well. Please R/R and don't go very hard on me because one can only work so well at 6:00 o'clock at night. (My brain shuts down about 4.) I know this was supposed to be about marshmallows, but I'm pissed at some blonde, wanna-be perfect cheerleaders today, or mainly one, because I like most of them since they aren't cheerleader stereotypic. Much thanks to the Coca-Cola company, Paul McCartney and Wings, Chips Ahoy!, Saturday Night Live, and Mango, even though he played no role in this at all, I just remembered him for no reason because of the one episode with Chris Walken and Jesus the Janitor… never mind. It's an in-joke.

Disclaimer: Please don't go killin' the perfects, and don't play Fluffy Bunny 'cause you can get hurt, don't say 'dawg' because it's a stupid word used by morons,and don't leave 70 year old women lying on the ground, or do any of the things discussed in this ficcy. _Ersatz Elevator_ belongs to HarperCollins and Lemony Snicket, SNL belongs to the godly people who thought of it, Mango belongs to Chris Kattan and the SNL peeps, marshmallows belong to the Marshmallow Baron, the future Harry Potter titles and plot belongs to me, and HP belongs to the blessed JKR, as does the rest of the HAS. (Harry associated stuff) Later, peeps!

IF YOU LIKED THIS, TRY _THE POKER TOURNAMENT!!! _


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